My Enemy, My Lover
by Menschlichkeit
Summary: updated, rating changed for love scene, just to be safe. on hiatus
1. Blood & Booze

Disclaimer: Don't own any of Atwater-Rhodes's stuff.

Blood & Booze

_"You bring whatever you want. As for me, I won't be using anything, not even 'mental warfare'. As for how we defeat the other, opening old wounds." As he spoke, he drew nearer to her and held up his marked handwhile tracing the scarred slash on her forearm with cool fingers. Xena felt an avalanche of chills crash down her spine, and her heart thudded so loudly, she was sure Kurda would hear it. When she brought herself to look at him, he was gazing at her with such intensity, she felt more uncomfortable than ever and pulled away._

_"Do I get any say in this?"_

_"You could say yes. Midnight. Las Noches." His words drifted into nothingness as he did, leaving Xena standing there all alone._

* * *

Kurda was sitting inside an unusually empty Las Noches, downing his third bottle of whiskey. The buzz of it felt good, and he didn't have to deal with hangovers and all that nonsense that came with being drunk. 

As the bottle emptied, Jeshickah came behind him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

"Jeshickah, what brings you here to New Mayhem, away from Midnight?"

"Jaguar was busy drooling over that Turquoise girl. I was lonely, so I dropped by here."

"And, of all people, you want me to be your company?"

"Why not? You're irresistible."

What she said was true. He was extremely pale, but his hair, slightly longer in the front than it was in the back, was as black as raven feathers: a high contrast. Under his tight black T-shirt, she could make out every taut muscle, from his sculpted chest to toned abs. He wasn't one of those stocky muscular guys. Oh no. He was a six-footer and very lean. A Roman nose and a distinct jaw outline made a very good profile view. Even the faint scar of a crucifix on his right hand could not tarnish his image. But most mesmerizing about this incredible being was his eyes. Instead of the usual black, they were a mixture of blue-green and grey. He had bottled perfection.

Kurda could only smile as pulled her into his lap. His long, ghostly fingers ran down her bare back, and he planted a kiss on her cheek.

"Sorry Jeshickah, that's all I'm giving." He then set her back on her feet and turned back toward the bar.

As he motioned for another drink, the front door flew open, revealing a very irritated witch. An attractive witch. Her slightly arched brows were knitted and drawn over her golden eyes. Her lips were pressed into a thin line, a visible sign of anger. Kurda found himself looking up and down her slender frame as she pushed a lock of mahogony hair out of her eyes. Similar to his, her body was also shapedfrom vigorous workouts and training. Each time she took a step her muscles flexed through her denim jeans. Her sleevless shirt exposed the scar, which hardly showed against her fair skin.There was a thin trickle of blood on her neck. Obviously, she had been busy.

"Xena, I wasn't expecting you for another two hours. Here, sit and enjoy yourself."

_Thank God he's still sober. Anything more dangerous than a sober vampire is a drunk one. _"Skip the formality. Stand up and fight."

"You know, your voice is much sweeter when you're not barking orders."

Xena lunged at him. However, Kurda was quick to block her blow. And quite unexpectedly, he kissed the inside of her wrist. This only brought an enraged shriek from her. She tried to cut him down again. Again, a kiss; this time on the shoulder. And another angry shout. She tried to punch him, but he caught her fist and twisted her around so that her back was leaning against his chest. Yet again, a kiss, on the cheek. Unsurprisingly, she gave a furious yell as she elbowed him in the gut. When he doubled over, she dived in for the kill.

Kurda looked up and dodged just in time. He grabbed the knife, in the process cutting his own hand, right over the first part of the cross. He then spun her hand to the point where she could no longer hold onto the blade and it dropped. Catching it, he pulled Xena toward him and swiftly dragged the knife down the scarred part of her arm.

How strange. She didn't feel any pain. She then noticed that he had tilted the knife so that it would only make a cut similar to what paper might do. Amazing. Was it weird that she thought this was amazing? She jumped a foot in the air when she felt Kurda's tongue cleaning away the blood. What was he doing? What the hell was wrong with him? Maybe he was drunk...

"Here's your knife." It was covered in more of his blood than hers.

Without another word, he went off to find Jeshickah, who had mysteriously left when he had given Xena the first kiss.

She was probably feeding and looking for trouble... and how right he was.

* * *

Well, what do you think? I'm sorry if it sucks and that its short. I re-did the whole thing and I was typing the second chapter before I even finished the first. 

Anyway, my first permanent AA-R fic. Plz review! flames are okay. I can take 'em.


	2. Comfort & Craziness

Disclaimer: All I own is this ruddy story that is still developing...

Description of Death is my own and influenced by Garth Nix

Comfort & Craziness

Xena wept next to her brother's body, trying to heal him, but failing. Jeshickah had killed him. Kurda knew this.

As Edward's body became still, Kurda separated himself from the comfort of the shadows. "Dying isn't all that bad. I remember when I hung on the borders of Life and Death. I was about ten, leaving behind my lesser being of humanity and passing onto vampirism. It didn't start out too well. Every breath I drew in was a huge effort. My senses slipped away one by one. In the final moments, as cliché as it may sound, my last ten years flashed before my eyes. When my senses escaped me, I could no longer feel. All there was, was the cold starting in my feet. I looked down, to notice I was standing in a river, its current pulling me with it. I had passed into the very beginning of Death.

"Then I felt even more numb and I wondered why it was freezing. By then, I was laying in the river. All I saw for as far as I could see was bleak gray and dark, looming gates. At first, I gave in to the current and let it carry me past a few gates and through each precinct. It was peace and calm, that's how death was. I was going to enter the Ninth Gate, but I felt an urge to fight it. It wasn't my time to die. By that time, I had lost too much life to ever truly be alive, but I wasn't dead either. Slowly, but surely, I felt my way back to Life, where it warmed my face, and I pushed myself through. That was my first test of vampirism, cheating death. I'm sorry, you don't care about the vampire bit, but what I'm trying to tell you is that after getting through the pain in Life, it's a calm and peaceful trip in Death."

Kurda finished his ramble and knelt next to Xena, who shuddered as she tried to stop her sobbing. Without a single thought or hesitation, he rubbed her back in circles, solacing her. When she calmed down, he lowered his hand, not sure whether she would yell at him now. Instead, Xena turned around and asked, "Why'd you stop?"

"Because we have to get Edward home to your mother," he replied, glancing back at her brother's lifeless body. "And you might want to wipe your tears before your mother sees."

"Why-?"

"Sarah's told me that Dominique does not appreciate emotion."

"Sarah? You know where she is?"

"The sister you never knew? Yeah. Later, I'll take you over to Nikolas's house so you can catch up on all the years. But right now, we have to take Edward to your house."

Kurda then lifted Edward with ease and set him in the back, while Xena rounded to the front. Xena was about to open the door when Kurda laid his hand on hers. "I'll drive." Without arguing, she sat in the passenger seat.

Xena was too mortified and grieving to attack Kurda. Just hours ago, he had made lewd gestures towards her and then cut her. Now he was helping her. Was he still drunk?

"No, I'm not."

"What?"

"You were wondering if I was drunk. I wasn't drunk even to begin with."

"Then why? Why won't you leave me alone? You've already stripped away my pride. Does that not satisfy you? What more do you want to do to me?"

"You have it all backwards." And he clenched his jaw, refusing to say anything more.

* * *

Edward's body was safely taken to Dominique. When she saw Kurda, she immediately went for her knife. Surprise, surprise. Kurda was sick of it. Sick of the whole mess the two races were in. 

But Dominique hadn't been expecting that Kurda would be carrying her only son, and she hesitated. The small moment was all Kurda needed to place Edward at Dominique's feet, give a short bow, and then teleport.

Kurda just flopped on his bed. Nobody was home to ask what was wrong with him. Not his father, mother, or brother would be able to drive him to the brink of insanity with all the questions they asked.

_They'll never understand. How many times have I tried to start explaining, only to find everybody wrapped up in what they're doing? They don't care. Not like they think they do._

He only knew one person that may understand._ How ironic, _he thought bitterly, _that the enemy would understand better than my family._

But she's the enemy! His logical side spoke against his emotional. _Then why? Why do I feel so miserable when I have all the love I need? _Because you're a total ditz. Maybe you did have too much to drink... _Definitely did not. Maybe I am a ditz. I'm certainly thinking like one..._

_Ack..._ Kurda continuously banged his forehead on the headboard. Great...now he was gonna have a nice red mark... _I am a ditz._

What was it about this witch? Why couldn't he drive her out of his thoughts? Why wouldn't she just go? And, and, and, why was his hand itchy? Stupid dried blood. It flaked away, revealing the newly injured mark. He looked at it and groaned. One second he stopped thinking about her, and he just had to be reminded.

Drawing! He always got lost in it. Maybe that would keep him occupied...

_Nine Ebony pencils later..._

Jesus. Every time he finished a picture, it was that god-forsaken witch! Why didn't he even realize it? There was a knock on his door.

Aubrey poked his head through the doorway. "Kurda, you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," he said without looking up, waving his hand nonchalantly.

"I see... Your room begs to differ."

"What are y-" Kurda stopped mid-sentence. Everywhere, papers were strewn about, the stubs of pencils among them. "Oh, that. Well, uh, you see-"

Aubrey smiled knowingly. "Who's the girl?"

Kurda's ears went pink. "No one!"

"These drawings contradict what you say..."

"I told you! She's nobody important!"

"Kurda, if you're going to lie, you better practice because you're very bad at it." Aubrey then closed the door behind him, knowing that if there was one thing Kurda was really good at, it was keeping things to himself. Meaning, his mental defenses were way too strong to break through, and he was not going to talk anytime soon. His younger son was so difficult sometimes...

Aubrey immediately knew something was up. Kurda cursed himself. Was it that obvious?

* * *

Edward's funeral was a little ceremony in the backyard. They couldn't afford to have it in an actual cemetery or anything... 

Xena paced in her room. For three days straight, it had been raining, and she couldn't stand being cooped up anymore. She grabbed her keys, yelled "Bye!" to whoever was home, and sprinted to her car. She sat inside, turning the key in the ignition, the engine rumbling to life.

She wanted to get away. But she couldn't escape from herself. Why was he constantly haunting her dreams? Why couldn't she stop think about him? She thought that she would break down if she didn't get to see Kurda again_. Stop! What are you thinking? Did you get hit in the head one too many times? Longing to see an abomination? Stupid little girl..._

These were exactly the thoughts that would land her in gi-normous trouble. Why was she thinking about him incessantly, even in her dreams? _Hmm... I wonder what his lips would feel like_... No_! I did not just think that_! Rewind! Erase!

Xena's grip tightened on the wheel_. I've got to pull over to a nice, calm place where I can cool down_.

What was it about this vampire? Why wouldn't he just go? And, and, and why did she feel queasy? She finally cut off the engine at the edge of the woods, right in front of the bush of black roses that signaled the entrance to New Mayhem. Strangely, she felt the queasiness subside, seeing the roses_. Good, all sanity is not lost. Vampire roses are still black..._

She looked at it and groaned. One second she stopped thinking about him, and she just had to be reminded. She continuously banged her head on the steering wheel. Great... now she was going to have a nice red mark...

Why, oh why, was nothing fair for the person in the middle of love and war...

* * *

Well, there's chapter two for ya. I'm sorry that my writing sux, but I just wanted to finish what I started. I think I might actually be going somewhere with this... 

plz review, even if it is to tell me how bad it is...


	3. Distress & Desire

Disclaimer: Do not have any ownership over AA-R's stuff.

Chapter Three-Distress & Desire

Kurda was soaked to the skin. He was sitting cross-legged in a tree while the rain plummeted down on him. He had been trying to clear his thoughts, meditate. _Meditation, my foot. There's no way I'm going to stop thinking about Xena, whether I want to or not... _His other voice said to him, _So she has a name now? She's not just a hunter?_

So, he had just sat there, teeth chattering. He hoped that it would wash away all the confusion he felt. He hated not knowing what to do. He always knew what to do. But what could he do in a situation concerning him? He thought he knew himself better than anyone, the way it should be. But he didn't. He didn't know what to think or how to feel.

Just yesterday, Aubrey had caught him talking to himself. _"Kurda, you're too young to be talking to yourself. You sure you're okay?"_

_I would have been, if it weren't for that-_

Kurda shook his head madly. In doing so, he fell out of his perch and landed on the hood of a car. _Even the ground would have been softer, _he thought as he rubbed his ribs. He heard a scream come from inside. He hadn't dented the hood. He was too light. So why was someone screaming?

He rolled over and came down over the windshield. He had to bite back his own yelp of surprise. He didn't land on just anyone's car. Xena was sitting inside.

He got up and rounded over to the passenger seat. Tapping the window, he motioned for her to undo the lock. She just shook her head, refusing to open the door for him. Sighing, he willed himself inside.

She jumped and shouted, "Get out!" and pounded his shoulder. Kurda just grabbed her wrist and held them in his one hand while he reached over to shush her. Xena immediately stopped when she felt his cold finger on her lips.

"Can you just let me warm up in here?"

"You're wetting my seats."

"Would you rather have me take it off?" He gestured to his wet clothes.

Xena turned around to see if she had an extra flannel blanket in the back seat. Sometimes she slept in her car when she didn't feel like facing her mother... Unfortunately, the blanket was under Kurda's seat. She would have to be close to him to get it. What the heck; it was only going to be a second. Kurda saw her lean sideways to try to pull the flannel out. In doing so, her shirt was pulled up, giving Kurda an excellent view of her washboard stomach. Feeling the air on her navel, Xena all but threw the blanket at him and quickly pulled her shirt back down.

Kurda gave her a lopsided grin, dimples in his cheeks. He looked so innocent... until he pulled off his drenched shirt, exposing his milky torso. She bit her lip and looked away.

He shivered from the cold and switched the heater to high. He was about to talk when Xena beat him to it.

"I just don't get you. I don't know what to make of you."

Kurda hated that statement. People were always telling him that, and his answer was always the same, "Then don't. Don't make anything of me. Why can't you leave me the way I am?"

Xena had no idea what to say to this. She had never thought of it that way. "I really couldn't say. I always thought that vampires were so easy to figure out, but you, you're different."

Kurda nodded. "You're right about that. Few vampires would hesitate to drain you dry." While he had been speaking he had leaned closer to her neck, and Xena had automatically swung her fist at him.

Kurda caught it without any trouble and pushed it forcefully the other way. "God. Who trained you?"

"My mother," she forced through gritted teeth.

"Do you mind if we go somewhere? Stupid question. Of course you do. There's this old abandoned house on the other side of town where I train. I haven't taken anyone there, but I think I can show you some stuff."

* * *

Xena knew which place he had been talking about. She had agreed, on one condition though: that he not touch her unnecessarily. 

Kurda absent-mindedly took her hand in his and gently pulled her inside. Xena was going to yell at him to let go, but his cool hand felt nice against her hot one. Maybe in a minute...

Kurda let go to sweep his hand across a dusty wall. On it, there were targets painted on. "Watch your step. I've loosened the floorboards. Makes getting around harder you see."

Xena cursed herself for never coming here. It was perfect in all ways. Empty, secluded, open...

"Okay, throw a punch at me."

"My pleasure." She then launched her fist at him, only to have it blocked and pushed aside again. She lost balance and she stepped on a loose floorboard, causing her foot to sink in. Before she fell all the way through, Kurda pulled her back up, a bemused expression on his face.

"You see. It's difficult to fight me. I don't attack you. I use your force against you. Look, the harder you throw a punch, the harder it is to keep in a fighting position. The force throws you off balance when I block it, especially when you keep the rest of your body so stiff. Here, loosen up," he said as massaged her tense shoulders. He continued, instructing, "Don't nail yourself. Stay light on your feet. Kind of like when you dance."

"When you what!" Xena had never done a single dance step, let alone incorporate it in fighting.

"I see you're not familiar with that. That makes this a bit more complicated..." He trailed off as he walked around her, watching her shiver when he stepped behind her.

"It isn't all about strength. Before you learn that, you have to master speed. And the way you punch, it's all wrong. When you draw back, keep it semi- open so air goes through. Just before colliding with the target, close it. That makes a good solid punch. Remember, footwork. Try again."

She did as he said, but he blocked again. When he spun her, she didn't make the mistake of bracing herself, she almost twirled, as if it were dancing. She had already made another open fist with her other hand, connecting it with Kurda's jaw.

"That... wa' much be'er." He had difficulty talking though, as he tried to relocate his jaw. "That was much better, is what I meant to say."

Xena was proud of her handiwork. But a thought struck her. Why was he teaching her to fight? His technique was so good, other witches would kill to find someone who was so adept with fighting tactics. Something else was that he hadn't tried to take advantage of her. He had only touched her hand when blocking. He had stayed true to his word, even though the circumstances were so minor. Were vampires really evil or was it just an idea implanted in every witch's head?

"You're suddenly quiet and just standing there. I would read your mind, but I wouldn't risk the chance that you may hate me in life and hereafter."

Xena was about to retort with a witty reply when it caught in her throat due to a very dark presence. Jeshickah was standing before them sneering at the sight of them leaning so close to each other. "How touching. My, my, Kurda. I didn't know you had a girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend!" Xena didn't know why, but Kurda's answer to Jeshickah's accusation stung. She should have been relieved, but she wasn't. Somehow she wanted him to do more than just teach her how to punch correctly. Maybe something along the lines of romance? This time she didn't scold herself for thinking about him this way. However, the strain in his voice had not escaped her ears. It seemed almost as if that wasn't the reply he wanted to give...

As much as he would have liked, Xena was not his girlfriend. It was plainly the truth. Jeshickah was well aware of this, so she took the time to taunt them. "Then why have you brought her to a secluded house with fluffy rooms upstairs? Not a wishful thinker, are we?"

Kurda went pink in the face, ears, neck, everything. He was lost for words at the moment. Eventually, he raised a shaking finger and ordered, "Out."

Jeshickah threw back her head, laughing. "Sure, darling. Make sure you come and see me later." She drew toward him to kiss his cheek, but Kurda pushed her back. Jeshickah opened her mouth, but Kurda cut her off coldly, "You killed Edward."

Xena suddenly warmed at his words. He cared? Xena was in complete desire for him, now that she knew he was different.

Jeshickah scowled and slapped him across the face. Really hard.

Without the chance to retaliate, Kurda was left alone again with Xena. He rubbed the side of his face. "This is definitely going to bruise."

"Was taking my side worth the slap?"

"Without a doubt." Absent-mindedly, he reached out to tuck a wet lock of hair behind her ear, taking too long to draw back his hand. "Uhhh... Sorry. That would go under the 'touching unnecessarily' category."

* * *

Dear goodness, what a waste of a chapter. I don't like it, but ppl always say I'm a better writer than I give myself credit for. Whatever they mean by that. I'd love to be a writer, but I don't think I'll get anywhere with baloney sandwiches like this... 

plz review and suggestions would be nice


	4. Faults & Friendship

Disclaimer: aa-r's work does not belong to me... it inspires me...

_**ILoveAnime89, I forced myself to sit down and write cause you've waited so patiently. So, here it is, chap 4...**_

Faults & Friendship

Away from the city lights, the sky at midnight was breathtaking. The stars burned with more valor; they didn't hide. Looking at them, Kurda knew he couldn't hide anymore either. He couldn't keep avoiding the common knowledge of what he and Xena were. He could tell that Xena did not fully trust him. She still expected some sort of trick and she was along for the ride. What else she thought, he didn't know. The wind rustled the grass near his face, almost as if it were forcing him to open his mouth and speak."Xena?"

"Yes?"

"I don't want to fear you and I don't want you to fear me. I don't want ot be your enemy. I don't want to continue a cycle of death. I want us to be okay, to find peace within a storm."

She laced her fingers through his, trying to corral her thoughts to form a competent set of words. "I've been taught to remember what your kind has done to us. I've been taught to hate your kind since my first breath of life. But I don't. At least not you. I don't hate you."

"Would you be willing to stretch that absence of hate to trust? It's a lot to ask, but are you willing to change centuries worth of hate?"

A hesitant, "Yes."

A curtain of silence fell upon them again, draping them in their own thoughts.

Moments later, Kurda spoke again. "This is the darkest hour of the night. It's the only time I feel like I belong and this is the only place where I don't feel trapped."

Xena hung onto his every word. He was much more than she could have imagined. By now, Xena was curious about him and his nature."What would you do if you wanted to know someone?"

"Spend his life with him, asking and learning about him every step of the way."

"Do you come out here often?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"To be lonely."

Xena rolled off her back onto her side, her head on her arm. She reached her hand out slowly, so as to not alarm Kurda. Cupping his smooth cheek, she turned his face toward her. "Do you like being lonely?"

"No. I just am." Kurda turned onto his own side to face her. "Are you loved?"

She jolted up, letting go of Kurda's hand. Xena was thankful that it was dark; she was blushing. However, Kurda had sat up as well and brushed his cool fingers along her cheekbone, feeling the warmth radiating from her skin. "Well?"

"No. I'm not wanted"

"Your family?"

Xena thought back on how cold and reserved her home life was. How she was treated as an object. A machine to do her mother's bidding. "No."

"What's wrong with home?"

"It's empty. It''s just me and ghosts from my life encircling me. It's suffocating."

"I won't hold you against your word of home, but I will say that you are wrong about not being wanted. I enjoy your company."

"Why is that?"

"I don't feel lonely anymore." Kurda took a deep breath and let himself fall backward, Xena tumbling down with him. "Do you want to fall with me?"

"From where?"

"I'll show you." Grasping her hand tightly, he gave a silent prayer._'So be it.'

* * *

_

In a small fold of time, they were gone, the grassy field vacant again. Now they stood atop a teetering cliff, the rocks slipping from under their feet. "Where are we?"

"A forgotten chateau. You can watch the waves crash in on each other, one caving into the other. Or, you can jump off without a second thought and crash into it to let it beat against your pains and worries. Restore yourself."

"Are you drunk?" She was terrified at the thought of just standing there.

"Xena, you're not afraid of faltering and falling. You're afraid that you will, in fact, throw yourself off." Even as he was saying those truthful words, Xena was peerig over his shoulder down below, and she was enraptured by the swaying and she felt the world spin before her eyes. She sank to her knees to stop the dizziness. Laughing lightly, Kurda yanked her back to her feet, guiding her to walk down toward more solid ground. 'Xena, do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Then run and jump with me."

His hair whipped across his face, the wind picking up and striking them. Xena's own hair flew forward, the strands blown askew. Pulling a black ribbon from his pocket, Kurda twisted all of Xena's hair into a neat bun. "Better?"

"Very."

"Ready?"

She slid her hand into his again and nodded. Standing once more, they faced the cliff. Inhaling the salty air of the sea, their hands weaved together,picking up speed across the ground and catapulting off the edge, a joyous whoop escaping both lips in a unified shout. Crashing through the surface of the water, the cold permeated, settling in their blood like morphine, numbing them of all pain. To a pair of sufferers, there was nothing better.

To anyone watching, he would see a boy and a girl dive into their death, only to realize that they survived their birth when they emerged again.

* * *

now that you've read, review. will TRY to update soon 


	5. Hurts & Halos

Disclaimer: if I owned it, would I be writing for this fandom?

Hurts & Halos

The waves calmed as the moon stagnated in its descent for a few moments, and the sun painted the sky with scarlet streaks. As the bright yellow disc climbed over the horizon, it formed the illusion of nestling in the water. But then it rose for another day, bathing the landscape in dawn's light.

After so many hours spent in the darkness, the sun immediately chased away Xena's drowsiness. Memories of the night before rushed back to her as she felt the chilled flesh of the vampire that was sound asleep. Xena tried to move his arm off of her waist, but his grip only tightened, hugging her closer. His other arm came across her back, not allowing any space between. He mumbled a "good morning" into her hair, he scent awakening him. Kurda was still in a sleepy state; he'd only been unconscious an hour or so, spending the whole night watching her sleep, listening to every slow, deep breath she drew in. Kurda then realized how close he was holding Xena and let go of her without a second thought.

"How was your night?"

"Fine. A bit long from the lack of company, but alright just the same." The next statement he added with a small smile on his perfectly luscious lips. "It was also...informative."

Xena's confused face amused him as he watched her try to figure out the riddle he laid out before her. Realization sparked behind her eyes as she jumped to her feet, clapping a hand over her mouth.

Kurda could only laugh lightly. "I've never met anyone who talked in their sleep is all."

A blush glowed on her cheeks, causing Kurda to stand as well and circle his arms around her. "Don't be embarrassed. Xena, look at me." When she would not meet his gaze, he sighed and continued, "You've never been so depressed. You want to leave Ramsa and get away from the dismal memory of Edward. You're scared of becoming soft. Hard as you might, you can't seem to stay stone. You argued with your mother about seeing Sarah. About seeing me."

Before he could finish, she gasped, "I didn't!"

Kurda angled Xena's face towards his. "You whispered my name. You told me you did want to hurt me and you cried, once again upset about becoming soft. I let you sleep on my shoulder and wiped away every last tear that I can never give back to you. You became quiet and I thought you would relax again, but you breathed into my neck an 'I love you'."

Xena covered her face, ripping herself from Kurda's arms, refusing to believe any word that he said.

Anger flared in Kurda's usually passive face, grasping her elbow and spinning her around. The sudden mood swing shocked her and she forced herself to look at him as he spat venomously. "Why do you deny it? Why are you afraid to love me? I thought we had established that 'vampire' and 'witch' had nothing to do with anything!

Kurda calmed himself, dropping his face into the dip of Xena's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I just don't want this to end before it even begins." He didn't specify what he meant, but explained to her via a story his father had told him when he was still a child. "There was a time when 'vampire' and 'witch' didn't matter as much. It was virtually a period of peace because witches did not feel the need kill vampires when they only drank what they needed. But they still avoided one another until a vampire and a witch gave their hearts to each other. You see, before Romeo and Juliet, there was Esben and Solvay. No one could tolerate their newfound romance, especially Solvay's mother, resolving to kill her daughter's lover. His family retaliated by ending Solvay's life to avenge him. Since then, vampires have killed for revenge and the two races have engaged in this vendetta that is currently at a standstill."

Xena stroked his hair, speaking softly into his ear. "That gives me even more of a reason to stay away from you. I couldn't let Dominique hurt you. I couldn't do that to you. I don't-"

Kurda pressed his lips against her shoulder lightly, causing her to end her sentence abruptly. "She can't hurt me. Only you can. You have the power to inflict me with pain, I just trust you not to."

Frustration cracked the serenity on Xena's face. "You turned my black and white world grey. I really do want to love you without being terrified. But the voices in my head interfere with my own. One says yes. One says no."

Kurda lifted his face to challenge her to a battle with herself. "Decide which voice in your head you can keep alive."

* * *

_ILoveAnime89: thanx for writing to me. I had almost forgotten that I had started this story._

CREDITS: the lines "One says yes. One says no." and "Decide which voice in your head you can keep alive." are the sole property of Shinedown from the song I Dare You.


	6. Insecurity & Incentive

Disclaimer: don't have any ownership...

Chapter 6- Insecurity & Incentive

Xena held Kurda's wrists tightly, in contrast to the light pressure of his hands covering her eyes. She heard a door open and voices, both male and female, from inside. Kurda nudged her leg a bit, beckoning her to take another step. Once the door shut behind them, Kurda removed his hands from her face, prompted by her letting his wrists free.

"This is what I promised, isn't it?"

Xena could not reply. The voices she had heard belonged to none other than Nikolas, Kristopher and their newest member, his mate, Sarah. The sisters recognized each other, though they had changed so much. Of the same blood and magic, it made no difference; they were still bonded to each other. Kurda watched the sisters embrace and saw a true smile grace Xena's otherwise glowing face and he felt his breath catch as his stomach performed somersaults. He let himself fall back and ascend the steps, looking forward to a much needed nap.

Sarah looked very different, almost foreign, to Xena's eyes. She seemed to smile and was truly happy. Whether a happy vampire was good or not, Xena couldn't be sure. All traces of Sarah Tigress Vida was gone, replaced with Ravena. Xena observed that the worry lines and wrinkles and hardened skin had all smoothed and softened, as was expected. Yet, even her voice had become softer, more welcoming. Her bitterness had died with the old Sarah_. Maybe vampires do live free of hate. Maybe we mistook their vengeance_. Xena couldn't help but to think this as she looked at her sister. Indeed, Sarah had seemed to have found salvation in the form of Kristopher. Was Kurda meant to be _her_ savior?

"So, how is mother these days? Adiana and Edward?"

"Same as when you left, but, if possible, more resentful. She can't praise her perfect daughter anymore. Adiana was betrothed to a Jaques Marat and could see no difference in it than if it were just an alliance. They were, though, married to join our clans, but apparently, the Frenchman is as capable of romance as Adiana. As for Edward..." Her voice broke for a moment, tears springing into her eyes as anger mangled her heart, or what was left of it. "Edward... was killed, recently. It was Jeshickah."

"I probably dislike her more than any vampire I know. It's a shame Jaguar stopped Turquoise from killing her. It would have done the world a favor. I'm thinking I should get her myself."

"But Jeshickah has connections! If she's killed, you become everyone else's quarry."

Sarah raised a brow, amused. "How are you so certain of that? Is it Kurda?" When Xena nodded sheepishly, Sarah laughed, inquiring, "Why is he protecting you?"

Xena felt a bit of an insult and even sensed some hypocrisy at play. "Well, what about you and Kristopher?"

"He was weak when we met. He didn't know I was a witch. But Kurda, why would he be attracted to you? His aura is powerful and yours can't be hidden from him either. His aura isn't just a few ripples. They're waves, waves that could drown you if you're not careful."

"are you warning me about him?"

"No. I'm warning your feelings for him. If something happens to him, you'll get hurt. So don't get so attached to him this early. Please?" She gave Xena's hands a slight squeeze and winked. "But I can tell he's a keeper. Hold onto him. It could become something beautiful."

They continued in the same fashion for hours, pausing only for Xena to eat lunch. Afterward, Xena could see Sarah grow weary, having stayed awake for her. She allowed her to leave, but reluctantly, always under the impression that it would be the last time she would see her. Before Sarah retired to the basement, she smiled playfully, adding, "I think Kurda's upstairs," and was gone.

Following the stairs, she pushed open the firs door that was ajar to find Kurda sprawled out on a bed, the only furniture in the room, at peace. He appeared very comfortable as the ceiling fan blew cold air constantly on his already cool skin. His shirt had been removed and was currently being used as a pillow. She brought in a chair from another room and quietly placed it on the carpeted ground. Discarding her shoes, she propped up her feet on the sideboard and closed her eyes.

"He was the fire, restless and wild. And you were like a moth to that flame."

Kurda opened one eye. "And yes, he likes speaking in third person."

"In that case, she will join him." She left her chair to lie down next to him, but careful not to look at his face. "Well, he was the fire. What is she?"

"Please. Humor him." Kurda turned, burying his face into her neck.

"She was the sun, shining upon the tomb of your hopes and dreams so frail."

"Does the sun challenge the fire?"

"Yes. The sun would like to know what can love more fiercely."

"He was the moon, painting you with its glow so vulnerable and pale."

"She was the wind, carrying all the troubles and fears, here for years, tried to forget."

"Equally passionate. Equally passive. Is she comparable to his emotions, or lack thereof?"

"Well, she followed the serpent-"

"And what brought her so deep into the serpent's nest?"

"Ack. This talking in metaphors is difficult.You're much better at it."

"What makes it _better?_"

"Well, you're... romantic."

All this time, Xena hadn't looked at him and when he didn't reply, she worried she'd said too much. She dared herself to look up at him.

"Ah. I was waiting for that."

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hey, i finally strained my head and time to fit this into my work schedule. anyway, review and tell me what you think.

next chapter will mainly be... Kurda and Xena "expressing" feelings, i think...

CREDITS: "She was the sun, shining upon the tomb of your hopes and dreams so frail. He was the moon painting you with its glows so vulnerable and pale. She was the wind carrying in all the troubles and fears, here for years, tried to forget. He was the fire, wild and restless. and you were like a moth to that flame." belongs to HIM from the song "Funeral of Hearts"


	7. Love & Life

Disclaimer: don't own this... I'm getting tired of disclaimers.

**note: i'm not sure exactly how I feel about writing this, but it was bound to come up. this is my first time, so bear with me. and don't get too excited, it's not too explicit.**

no, I haven't died. I'm back with another chapter so, drumroll please...

Chapter 7- Love & Life

Once his eyes held her, Xena couldn't look away. Even as he drew his face closer to her, his icy breath on her lips, she couldn't look away. It was the anticipation that made hot and cold flames spark across her sweat moistened skin. She couldn't think; it was instinct that made her hand reach up Kurda's neck and into his thick ebony strands of hair, granting him permission. What came first was just the feel of his soft, full lips on her own, they didn't press, they didn't move. Xena closed the kiss further, letting him know she was fine. In the next second, he had captured her bottom lip, slightly pulling, and then pushing back. She couldn't break from him, not while his mouth was still locked to hers, caressing her lips. She lost herself, drowning in his love so deeply, she came up gasping for air when he at last broke the kiss.

Her cheeks reddened and she put a few feet in between them. Kurda still stared at her intensely. She sat up, turning her back, but feeling his eyes burning holes in her back, she stood upright, walking away from him. Kurda still lay motionless and comfortable; he continued to gaze at her with love saturated in his face as Xena stood by the glass door leading out onto the small balcony. She pressed her face against it, the blood pulsing in her veins calming to a lazy lull.

She didn't turn around. She didn't hear him come behind her. She only felt his taut chest against her tense back, gentle hands coaxing her shoulders to fall and relax. His lips were at her ear, his chilling breath whispering vows of love and life, of a future reflected in his romance. "We exchanged promises of revolution. These distorted and black times will change into ideals, into dreams. One day, I will show you a brilliant world."

She rememebered that promise, the one they had sealed that night on the lonely chateau, but she avoided speaking of it. Instead she watched the sky. "The sun is almost finished setting. It would do it no justice to watch it from behind a door."

Kurda spoke to her mirrored image in the glass. "No sunset nor sunrise shines with the same radiance of your beautiful face." Nonetheless, he moved to slide open the door and followed her out. He watched her sigh heavily and the sunlight bounce off her skin as fireworks would inside convex glass. Yet, it was only in Kurda's eyes that she was this cinematic; beauty was the ideal, but few knew what that ideal of beauty was. He knew though.

Twilight slowly overtook the scarlet tinges in the sky and seeped amethyst and indigo into the colors, running them all together for a moment that would last longer than a picture that never began to mimic a sight seen through autistic eyes. As the painting drew closer to monochrome, Xena faced Kurda again, standing exactly as she had left him. There was an omniscient vibe about him all the time and even his countenance conveyed eloquence. At times he made her feel discarnate and that there were only thoughts, but she would look down to see hands, her own hands, threaded in his and realize that she was in fact attached to a body, regardless of how ethereal it felt.

Her trance broke when he turned to step back inside. Her uncertainty made her actions impulsive-- her shaking arms circled his skinny waist and her lips were pressed between his sharp shoulder blades. Her arms tightened to stop the nervouse bouts of epilepsy in them. They steadied at once when Kurda pried her hands loose, allowing him enough room to face her again and then brought them to his face. His lips were impossibly soft on her fingers, her palms, her wrists, lingering where he felt her pulse, kissing the life in her. Xena moved her hands down to his strong shoulder, slid them down his smooth chest, all the way down to the sensitive skin of his navel and finally rested on his belt buckle. Kurda exhaled huskily, bringing his hands to her thighs and feeling upwards, catching Xena's sigh in an innocent kiss. He lifted her, her legs straddling his waist, thier kisses becoming more desperate, almost crushing, losing the patience they'd begun with. Then Xena's need to breathe presented a problem, interrupting their seemingly drug induced passion. Kurda set her back on her feet, but she swayed into him, wanting more. The cold air cleared his head temporarily, slowing down the colors he had been hearing and the sounds he had been seeing in his addiction. He didn't want it to end out there on the cold balcony; he wanted a stronger dosage. Hooking his thumbs in her empty belt loops, Kurda pulled her towards the bed. He handled her like a glitter adorned ice figurine, laying her down as if she'd melt or break right before his eyes.

Suddenly gripped by this foolish fear, Kurda made a conscience effort to control his emotions, especially when they forced themselves against constraints. Kurda lifted the hem of her shirt slowly and deliberately bringing his mouth to her skin. Each kiss fell as lightly as a snowflake, sizzling into steam from the escalated body heat. The coolness of his lips momentarily relieved some of the heat, but the touch replaced the warmth with scorching fire. This continued until the shirt was removed completely, and her jeans followed shortly afterwards. Before he could do more, she was already unbuckling his belt and pulling his boxers down with his jeans at the same time Kurda undid the clasp of her bra, freeing her breasts, exposing her to him.The bra joined the pile of their other discarded clothes. The last garment was the black spandex shorts, already being pulled off by Kurda.

At last both gasped at each other's nakedness, reveling in each other's exposure, appreciating each other's beauty before Kurda moved between her legs, fingers trailing up the inside of her thighs, one hands wrapping around her neck, the other holding her breast. She could feel the raised scar on his right hand as he fondled her lovingly. Xena let her own hands roam, feeling the hard muscles in hsi back and reaching into silky hair once he'd dipped his head to let his tongue roll around her nipples, nipping lightly. Involuntarily, her hips jerked upwards, bumping painfully against Kurda's pulsating groin. He gritted his teeth and a low growl came from him. Foreplay abruptly came to end as Xena continued to press her hips against his, grasping his waist. Kurda held her hips tightly in places, slowly going into her, filling her completely and perfectly. A moan escaped Xena's throat and she was amazed that the sound had come from her. She'd begun to bleed, the scent reaching Kurda's nose and from then on, his modalities mixed. He heard her moans and heavy breathing, but saw pleasure and pain on Xena's face, though his eyes were closed. Xena felt his rythmic thrusting, but registered only the smell of sweat rolling down Kurda's forehead. It was as if suddenly being afflicted with synesthesia. It was marvelous and murderous, but it was an affliction they would not do without.Their excitement heightened with their sensuality until finally they reached the apex and both sank into the bed, Kurda wonderfully heavy on Xena's exhausted body.

As the gasping breaths subsided, there was a whispered "I love you," in Kurda's ear. She playfully bit his earlobe, and smiled into his neck. Kurda's voice came muffled, "How much?"

"If the world lies on the balance between love and life, then I'll abandon all my pride and bring you love."

Kurda rolled onto his side and propped himself onto his elbow, scrutinizing her. "Are you sure? Pride is a powerful thing to give up, especially in your family."

Xena ran the back of her hand across Kurda's cheek as she answered, "I want these words to make thing right, but..."

"But it's the wrongs that make the words come to life," Kurda finished for her. He sighed contentedly. "Xena, I wanted so desperately for you to love that I neglected to see if you had any inkling as to how much I love you." His voice dropped dangerously. "I am your iron fist with a silken palm. Your cold fortress that keeps you warm. I continue to exist for you alone. I have no other reason for being."

Xena pushed his hair from his face again and smiled up at his marble face. "For tonight, just be my lover."

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CREDITS

"We exchanged promises of revolution. These distorted and black times will change into ideals, into dreams. One day, I will show you a brilliant world" are translated from a jrock song called "The World" by the band Nightmare

"ideal beauty" is deviated from a quote by Fyodor Dostoevsky

"I want these words to make thing right, but it's the wrongs that make the words come to life." Fall Out Boy "Thanks for the Memories."

"If the world lies on the balance between love and pride, then I'll abandon all my pride and bring you love" Carlos Santana "Satellite"


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